I used to be ana, but I started just trying to get back to 'normal' about six months ago. I still don't know whether I regret that or not. I was really screwed up then, and I was pretty close to losing it (my mind, not weight; I think I lost all the weight I could). But, I recovered a little too much, if it's possible to think of it that way. I feel disgusting. I know I look okay, but mentally, I expect to see a size-four body when I look down, and I don't see that. I miss it a lot.
I'm glad to have my sanity, though.
I guess I'm just here because, well, we all need support. Nobody IRL knows about my being ana. My mom thought I was for a bit, but I started eating more at home and less during the day and she got off my back. I'm glad I don't have to lie to her anymore.
My friends crack jokes about anorexic people all the time, and it pisses me off, but I can't say anything. Most of them didn't even know about the cutting until I stopped that, too. I stopped everything (cutting, ED, some other things I don't feel comfortable posting) last spring, and did it all on my own because I didn't want anybody to know.
I even quit LJ so I wouldn't have access to the Ana communities, and stayed off of any sites with pro-ana members that I knew. The downside is, since I did it all alone, I can't go to any of my friends or my parents when I need to vent. Or, if I do, they go into shocked panic mode and freak out on me. Even my best friend doesn't know some of the 'darker' things about me.
I don't know what to do in real life. I can't talk to anybody about this sort of stuff. Online communities were great before, so I'm just thinking it'll all work itself out if I just have a few people I can talk to, if only online.
Well - We all have personalities outside of this. I like to write (no shit xD), I'm a pretty quiet person, and I love my friends no matter how dumb they are sometimes. I'm in my school's psychology club, book club, and I'm still in Girl Scouts even though I'm a sophomore in high school. I used to love sports, but right now I'm phobic of even running. Hopefully, that'll change since I've had knee surgery to fix it. I'm really into art and psychology. I always say I want to be a psychologist. I went to the School of the Arts in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, for their summer program and I hope I can go back sometime soon. It's kind of dorky but I don't want to be a psychologist as much as I want to be a middle school teacher. I had a lot of crap teachers, but the good teachers made a huge impact on my life and I want to do that.